Happy Birthday, Evie Havoc!

Remember, remember the 5th of November, the gun powder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gun powder treason should ever be forgot...

One of my favorite movies of all time is V for Vendetta. The first time Mike and I watched it, right after the V monologue (which I’ve included below), Mike turned to me smiling and said, “Look! It's a Lacey super hero!”

Because of course, if I were ever to become a super hero, alliteration would be my weapon of choice. :-)

Anyway, I brought Evie Havoc home for the first time in December of 2006 at 8 weeks old, and we knew right away that we wanted to name her Evie (pronounced eeee-veeee) after Evey in the movie. It only occurred to us after the fact that she was ALSO born on the 5th of November, which is what the entire film is based around. Pretty cool, don’t you think?

So today, on this 5th day of November, our Evie Havoc turns a whole 3 years old. And in honor of her puppy perfection, I’d like to post a piece of the plot that provoked us to pick her name! Happy birthday Snoo Monster!



V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. (He carves a "V" into a sign.) The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. (Giggles.) Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

Evey: Are you like a crazy person?

V: I'm quite sure they will say so.

PS: Look at that precious face! Is it any wonder she's the most spoiled dog on the planet?!

I heart awards.

I’ve gotten two awards this week! Hooooray, awards!

First up, Sabrina at Seeds of the Heart awarded me with the Gorgeous Blogger Award! I adore Sabrina soooo much, and have been reading her blog for more months than I can count. It’s funny to look back and realize that she was barely due with her first baby when I originally happened upon her blog, and now she’s got a second munchkin on the way! If you have a moment, you should definitely stop by and congratulate her on the growing family!

By accepting this award, I must:

1) Recognize and link back to the person who sent it,
2) Share six interesting things about myself,
3) Award seven other bloggers with the Gorgeous Blogger Award, and
4) Let them know about it.

Ahem.

Interesting Fact Number 1: I love pepper and pretty much saturate every meal I eat with it.

Interesting Fact Number 2: I really, really wish Jon and Kate would get back together. I don’t EVER watch reality shows (or television in general for the most part) but I loved Jon and Kate. I still love Jon and Kate. I know Jon is a slimy piece of two-timing garbage, and I know Kate is an overpowering and demoralizing control freak, but I don’t care. Please Jon and Kate, if you won’t get back together for yourselves, the money, or your kids, then just do it for me. I’m begging you—I want our family back. Sigh.

Interesting Fact Number 3: I can’t tell my left from right (which is strange because I think I could as a kid). It’s embarrassing but true. I need to do the “L” thing with both of my thumbs and pointer fingers, and Mike never gets tired of making fun of me for it.

Interesting Fact Number 4: I’ve recently rekindled my relationship with the History Channel and absolutely love it. My favorites are documentaries about WWII and Nazi Germany.

Interesting Fact Number 5: Sometimes I mix up my 5’s and f’s. For instance, 2 + 3 = f, and cats are 5lu55y. It only happens when I’m writing things out by hand, I’ve done it for as long as I can remember, and even though it doesn’t happen all the time, when it does happen I don’t even notice it. So I might be going through paperwork I haven’t seen in six months, and then suddenly realize people probably think I’m an insane person because nothing I wrote made any sense. It used to happen with b’s and g’s, too, but (I hope) I’m over that now.

Interesting Fact Number 6: I have to clean my ears with Q-tips the second I get out of the shower or I will go completely insane. Just thinking about not cleaning my ears with Q-tips the second I get out of the shower completely freaks me out. Another thing that freaks me out? The sound of someone else brushing their teeth. Even when I hear it on the TV it hurts me. Shudder.

Now for the people I want to give this award to... YOU! (You guys know I’m horrible at handing out awards, right?) So if you want it, please take it!

Next up, Ashley at Ashley Amazing gave me the Over the Top Award! Ashley is one of my favorite bloggers out there because she’s just so dang witty. Her blog just SPEAKS to me, you know? She’s a military wife with an adorable little boy, and her posts always make me smile (if not burst out laughing all together). She’s had her hands full lately with a lot of life changes, so once again you should stop by and say hello if you don’t follow her already!

The rules of this award are:

1) You can only use ONE word!
2) Pass this along to 5 of your favorite bloggers!
3) Alert them that you have given them this award!
4) HAVE FUN!!!

I already answered the meme here (though I didn’t know I was only supposed to use one-word answers!), so I won’t bore you all by doing it again, haha. However, once again you should take it if you want it! You guys all rock SO MUCH. :-)

Sick.

I’m sick today. Terribly and violently ill.

I spent the majority of last night throwing up, which I’m blaming on either the chicken alfredo I ate yesterday for lunch or the plague. I ended up attempting to sleep in the bathroom floor (on my side so that if I continued vomiting in my sleep I wouldn’t die), which basically means I didn’t sleep at all. Then this morning my stomach was STILL twisting and turning and gurgling and attempting to shove itself up through my esophagus, so I got the bright idea that maybe eating something would help. But the only quick and easy thing to eat in the house was leftover jambalaya, and now it’s become painfully obvious that eating leftover jambalaya at 8 in the morning to cure food poisoning and/ or the plague is the the dumbest idea EVER.

My stomach is cramping up in the most ridiculous ways possible, I’m having hot flashes that leave me drenched in sweat and cold flashes that make my teeth chatter, I am so tired my eyes are watering, and the back of my throat feels like I’m gagging on sandpaper.

The good news is that I work from home and am therefore getting paid to puke. But it's not even 10:30 yet... Please let 5 o’clock get here fast so I can go back to bed…

EDIT: [11:38 a.m.] Because I'm sick and haven't slept in 4-million hours, and also because I'm easily amused, I dressed Evie up in her "Wanna-be Doberman" shirt. I think I'm starting to feel a little better now.

Sincerely, Me.

Not much is happening in my part of the world at the moment… Nothing interesting anyway.

Mike had a really great birthday weekend. He took Friday off and his brother stayed the night a couple of nights, so we all played tons and tons of video games and watched nearly as many movies. Mike’s parent’s also bought him this awesome sushi dish set and a sushi recipe book, so I've been working on a list of all the ingredients I want to buy from the Asian market (Sushi Master Lacey… now there’s a scary thought!). I bought another houseplant that I hopefully won’t kill, and the guys hung our metal security door so I can keep the front door open now…

We are totally living life on the EDGE over here, can you tell?

I got another letter from the collections agency the other day, too! It said:

“We have made repeated attempts to contact you by telephone and by mail, urging you to contact us regarding the above mentioned client. Unfortunately, to date you have failed to do so.”

I pretty much haven’t stopped laughing in three days. I’ve been researching the Fair Debt Collections Practices Act, and at this point all the shock and dismay I was feeling last week has kind of transformed into this blood-thirsty need for revenge, haha. Here’s the letter I’m going to mail back:

Dear U.S. Collections West, Inc.,

On October 2, 2009 I received a letter from your company stating that my previous apartment complex, Falcon Glen Apartments, had sent me to collections. Prior to your letter I had not received any correspondence whatsoever from Falcon Glen Apartments, and the collections notice you sent me was mailed to an incorrect address.

I called your offices immediately on October 2, and at 1:13 p.m. spoke with your representative Dawn Michaels. I asked her what the charges were for and her answer was pointedly vague and hurried. I asked for specifics and explained that I have a letter in writing from the property manager at Falcon Glen Apartments stating my rent was fulfilled in full. She responded that she couldn’t talk to me because she was in the middle of a conference call.

At 1:43 p.m. on October 2, Ms. Michaels called me back and left a message on my voicemail, which I returned at 4:10 p.m. the same day. She had already left work for the day so I left a message.

Seven days later, on October 8 at 2:49 p.m., Ms. Michaels finally returned my call. Once again I asked her for a verification of the debt; she refused. I asked her for a fax number to send her the paperwork I have specifically saying I do not owe Falcon Glen Apartments money; she refused. I asked her to please write down my correct contact information, including my current address; she refused. It is very odd to me that as a collections agency, whose job it is to work WITH people to collect funds, you have no interest whatsoever in providing me information or updating your own. Instead, Ms. Michaels said I would have to talk to Falcon Glen Apartments if I wanted to dispute the debt.

On October 8 at 2:57 p.m. I called the office at Falcon Glen Apartments and left a message.

At 3:16 p.m. on October 8, less than 20 minutes after our previous phone conversation, Ms. Michaels called me again and asked what I “planned on doing.” I summarized the conversation we had just had only moments before—that I need a breakdown of the charges I supposedly owe, I may or may not need to dispute those charges if they contradict the signed paperwork I have, and that, since according to Ms. Michaels I must handle those issues through Falcon Glen Apartments directly, I obviously must speak with someone at Falcon Glen Apartments.

At that time Ms. Michaels interrupted me with a string of profanities, yelling that she was “fucking done with me” and that I was “fucking wasting her time.” She went on to scream that she was taking me to court, and before I had a second to react or respond, she hung up on me.

Several days later, on October 24, another letter arrived at the same incorrect address as the first letter stating that you have made repeated attempts to contact me to no avail.

At this time, and due to your company’s inadequate abilities to assist me in resolving this matter quickly and amicably, I request that you CEASE and DESIST in your efforts to collect on the above referenced account. I choose to work with original creditor and to have no further contact with U.S. Collections West, Inc. Also, as I understand several of your methods to be illegal under the Fair Debt Collections Practices Act (i.e. refusing to provide verification of the debt, using profanity and being verbally abusive, and unnecessarily threatening legal action), please be advised that I am filing complaints with the Better Business Bureau, the Arizona Department of Financial Institutions, and the Federal Trade Commission.

Sincerely,
Me

Soooo.... What do you think? I tried to keep it free of emotional language and sarcastic remarks, ha. The last paragraph is definitely my favorite. According to the Act I've been reading up on, it's perfectly okay to "fire" your collections agency in writing if you choose not to work with them (which then forces the original creditor to work with you directly or find another collections agency), and the only times they can contact you after receiving the cease and desist letter is to a) to tell you they won't be contacting you anymore or b) to file a lawsuit. Let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

You didn't really think I could wait, did you?

Okay, so OF COURSE I couldn’t wait to give Mike his gift. My head would’ve popped if I’d waited any longer! Even my fail-proof-hiding-the-present-where-I-can’t-get-to-it trick didn’t work.

And it was sooooo worth it.I got Mike a 55” LED LCD flat screen TV! It has 240Hz, an 8ms response rate, a 2000000:1 contrast ratio… I’ve been researching specs and prices for MONTHS and this TV is BAD ASS!

It was delivered today… the latest day I could have it delivered so I COULDN’T give it to him sooner. And I had it delivered to his folks’ house, so there was no easy way to suddenly explode and show it to him.

Still, like 5 minutes after it was delivered I was on the phone conspiring with his mom. BECAUSE THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD WAIT ONE MORE WHOLE DAY. (I am so ridiculous.)

Mike had to drop his truck off at the shop today, so I picked him up. Then we met his parents for an early birthday dinner, and after that we decided to go pick up one of Mike’s little brothers to stay the night. All of this was so totally planned (except for breaking Mike’s truck so I would have to pick him up at the mechanic’s, haha), and none of it would have happened without the help of Mike’s mom. It would have been WAY too suspicious if, on a Thursday night, I suddenly was all, “HEY! Let’s go out to your folks’ house!” Georgia and I are so devious!

So we go eat dinner, and then we drive to go pick up Erin, Mike’s 17-year-old brother. Mike walks in his parent’s house, and we slowly but surely lure him into their TV room where there’s this GIANT box (holy cow I was NOT expecting the box to be THAT big)! Mike is obviously confused… he’s all, “This is a really big box!” and his mom says, “It’s for you!”

“Are you kidding me?” he says (still totally confused)… and his mom says “Yes! It’s from Lacey!”

By this time he’s actually close enough to the box to read it, and I swear… I wish I would have had a camera but there was no way I was taking pictures of this moment instead of living in it. It was AWESOME. His jaw just DROPPED. He had NO IDEA… he was expecting these $20 arm straps for one of his weight set pieces, or at best a new pair of shoes, haha. I have NEVER seen a smile as big as the one on this man’s face. And it’s still there, and it’s just GOLDEN.

Mike and Erin unloading the TV from the back of my vehicle.

And unwrapping the TV to set it on the floor (because they couldn't possibly "make a spot" for it right this second, they just had to turn it on!).

The most ultimate universal remote EVER.

That smile...

Mike and Erin drooling over the insane amount of connections in the back of the TV...
it has connections for EVERYTHING!

Street Fighter IV was the first game they popped in. I love this picture because A) the TV is bigger than either of them, B) Evie's face is freaking HILARIOUS, and C) you can see our other TV, which sits on a full length coffee table, plus our ginormous speakers, and this TV is bigger than all of that combined.
HOLY COW THIS TV IS INTENSE!

It was every bit as perfect as I’d hoped it would be. I love this guy sooooo much. He is my beacon, my strength, my everything. I am so thankful that I still lose my breath whenever he walks into a room, and that he can make me laugh until I cry without even trying. He is my best friend, my closest confidant, and my number one fan. He has always lifted me up instead of holding me back, and this silly TV is nothing compared to the love he gives me on a daily basis. But the fact he’s in the living room right now FREAKING OUT about how cool this TV is with his little bro… It’s priceless.

(And as a side note… Law & Order reruns are going to be SO sweet…)

Happy 30th birthday, Mikey. I love you!

The SUSPENSE.

Tomorrow (Friday) is Mike’s 30th birthday! Thirty! THREE-OH!

I am soooooo excited for reasons I can’t quite share yet (it’s SUPER TOP SECRET), but let’s just say that I am the coolest girlfriend in the whole wide world. And despite being the coolest girlfriend in the whole wide world, I don’t hold a candle to the awesomeness that is my mister. He’s a pretty special guy. :-)

So… because I’m so excited—to the point that I’m randomly and uncontrollably squealing and doing little jigs and having to leave the room when Mike’s home so that I can grin and giggle to myself without him getting suspicious—this week has been SO SLOW. Miserably slow. IS IT REALLY NOT FRIDAY YET?!?!

REALLY?!?!

Hmph.

I can’t take it. The SUSPENSE. I get so much more excited when I’m giving gifts than when I get them. And I always end up not being able to wait for the big day, therefore forcing people to open their gifts like two weeks early, sigh. But not this time! This time my plan is fool-proof, because I “hid” Mike’s gift someplace where *I* can’t get to it. Oh yes… I realize it’s ridiculous to have to go to such lengths to keep my OWN paws off the packages, but seriously. I am a giddy nine-year-old, and I’ve come to grips with the fact that I will ALWAYS be a giddy nine-year-old. I had to take desperate measures, people!

It’s going to be so perfect! Unless, of course, I blurt out the surprise sometime in the next 30+ hours... Gosh I’m hopeless.

IS IT REALLY NOT FRIDAY YET?!?!?

If chickens could make sad faces, they so totally would right now.

I was at my boss’s house yesterday for a few minutes, and while I was there his daughter (who is 4) took me on our usual tour of their house to track down all her pets. I don’t know why we have this routine whenever I show up (she must sense my inner T.R.A.S.H., haha), but she always has to lead me around to find each of the cats, the dogs… it’s adorable.

Anyway, this time the tour included chickens. See, my boss’s wife apparently talked him into buying a dozen chickens last week to save money on eggs or something, and it’s totally hilarious because he lives in the middle of the city and now he has this GIGANTIC chicken coop in his back yard. And he let his daughter pick the paint colors for the chicken coop, so it’s hot pink and purple, which makes it even more awesome. :-)

So we’re all standing in the back yard (my boss, his wife, their two kids, and me) and they start telling me how they actually ordered the chickens online and had them shipped from some other state. Like… in the mail. I’m thinking this sounds absolutely AWFUL, and THEN they tell me THIS.

The “packing materials” they use to ship the chickens… is roosters.

As in, you order a dozen chickens, and this company tosses them all in a box, and then they surround the chickens with roosters so that the roosters take the brunt of the damage in the shipping process.

So… you either end up with a box filled with dead roosters (OMG YUCK) or you end up with a box filled with live roosters that you didn’t order or want, and you’re on your own to "dispose" of them.

Or, you do what my boss and his wife did, which was opt for no "packing materials"... in which case half your chickens die before they get to your house.

I’m mortified. That is sooooo messed up.